Couples Counselling in Kelowna

How I work with couples

My work with couples is most often informed by attachment theory and Emotionally Focused Therapy. At the heart of every relationship are the emotional and physical needs that draw people together. This approach helps couples move past built-up, reactive surface arguments to focus on healing and reconnecting at a deeper level.

Why couples come in

• Communication that keeps turning into conflict
• Rebuilding trust after an affair or betrayal
• Intimacy, distance and feeling disconnected
• Parenting differences and blended families
• Deciding on the direction of your relationship - or how to part well
• Strengthening a relationship that's okay but could be better

I work with both monogamous and consensually non-monogamous relationships.

What to expect

The first session is about getting to know your relationship - its strengths now or in the past, the challenges that brought you in, and what you each hope to get from counselling, so we all share the same goals. Each partner also has at least one individual session, to understand what each of you brings into the relationship from childhood until today.

Phase one is about understanding the negative cycle you're caught in and de-escalating it - seeing the cycle as the problem, not each other. Couples often notice less tension at home and fewer, less intense arguments.

Phase two is about moving past self-protection, practising vulnerability in and outside of sessions, and feeling more comfortable asking each other for reassurance and closeness.

How long it takes

Most couples attend 10-20 sessions, depending on your goals, the work you do between sessions and how much hurt there is to work through. Weekly sessions are recommended for the first 3-4 sessions, then every two weeks once things are moving. Sessions are 50 minutes, with longer sessions available early on.

When there is current violence in a relationship, couples work can't begin - individual counselling is recommended first.